It's been a while since we showered the world of celebrity with our words of critical wisdom. With the launch of Mika's second album, our in-house critic couldn't resist writing a brutally honest BD review. MIKA fans – look away now…
He is not what you think he is, he is Rubbish. He is Rubbish.
So "Mika the Squeaker" is back with his Maria-like 23 octave range, every one of which is unbearably irritating in its show-off-look-at-me-ness. Mika is so 'on' he makes Liberace look like Antony Hegarty.
In fact, there is almost nothing about Mika that is NOT irritating.
Let's review the evidence:
- His multi-racial Anglo/Syrian/American/Lebanese background, trained by Russian opera singer, schooled in London and the US, supporter of Charlton FC – all which of which seems cannily designed to cover the maximum number of global socio-economic-ethno tribes possible.
- His rampant plagiarism – anyone from Queen, ELO, T-Rex, Bowie…is fair game. Apparently his next single is inspired by The Buggles, The Verve and The Wurzels. It isn't, but it would hardly surprise you, now, would it?
- His outfits. His mum was a designer apparently. Hmm. My mum was a brain surgeon: doesn't mean I let her practice on me out of hours. Why does he feel it necessary to be dressed by mummy? He's 43!
- His ridiculous video for 'We are Rubbish' which is meant to recreate his teenage bedroom. Like, Ugh! Who wants to see a teenage boy's bedroom? I had one once and I had to keep the lights off and the curtains drawn from 1976 to 1983, so hideous was it.
- His relentless promotional onslaught. Think this blog is unfair? Actually quite like Mika? Ha! You wont by Christmas once he's bludgeoned your sensibilities to pulp (ooh, another band to copy!) with the help of his PR team.
- He's even best friends with that other parasite of entertainment culture, the Lady Gaga (the one made up of all the bits Madonna threw away).
Yep, he's here to stay. And worse, he actually LIVES in London.
So if you see someone getting on the tube doing 'jazz hands' you just know it's Mika-time.
Do yourself a favour, pull the emergency cord and run!
